He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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