sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he thought i was a dude.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
