I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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