just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
