I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
