You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
