She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
