I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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