Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
