I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
