I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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