it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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