Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize