I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
