But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
