And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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