So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
