I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
