I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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