Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
