I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need a beard to bite.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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