i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
