You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
