Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
