i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
