Did you just see the Batmobile???
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize