u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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