question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
