We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
