im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
