go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
