1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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