Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
