so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
