Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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