I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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