So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
