I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize