I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
