Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
