I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize