Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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