I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
