That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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