I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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