I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
did you just send me my own nude
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
