dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
