how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize