CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
BRING THE BAGELS
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
