Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I will pee on everything he values.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My dick has a subreddit
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
