apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
that's an acceptable place to lick
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
