I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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