so explain again why im purple
no
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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