He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My penis needs a shock collar
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
