So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
