She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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