Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
