12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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