Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
