I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
