I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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