i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
