i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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