It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
