you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Semen is not good for contacts.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
