You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
