I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
