Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
