Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You may now shotgun with the bride
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize