Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
