Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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