Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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