If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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