maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
