I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize