Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Panties = found
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
