I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
