I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
