Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
