It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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