it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
