Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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