so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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