I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
