He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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