i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
