just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
