If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
