I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
