I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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