i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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