Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
