tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
