found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
