ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
3 2 1 whiskey
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
