You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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