i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
