I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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