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hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
pray to the hookup gods
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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