Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She's the barista slut.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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