M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
