Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
