That's intense
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
