My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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