i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
