Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
