some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
